With the extra insight from understanding how our brains are different, women can begin to understand the answers to their biggest questions about men. Here are the 7 most common complaints expressed by women about men:
- When he is upset, he will not talk – It is not necessarily a fear of intimacy that causes a man to withdraw emotionally and not talk about his feelings, but it is commonly his most efficient way to cope with strong feelings, negative or positive. His brain is organized to problem-solve as a way to minimize feelings and regain control of himself.
- After we get close, he pulls away and doesn’t want to talk – When a man gets close, many times strong feelings come up. To a certain extent, when these feelings come up, his mind goes blank and he loses a sense of control. While men, to various degrees, will always pull away after a period of closeness and intimacy, the amount of time a man needs for himself eventually becomes less and less as he feels that his partner accepts this tendency. On the other hand, if she always wants to be close to him, he will feel a greater need to pull away.
- When I talk about my feelings, he can’t just listen and feel what I am feeling, instead he starts for problem solving – While it is easy for women to feel, talk and think at the same time, it is much more difficult for many men. A man will tend to listen and talk (left brain activity) or he will feel, think and problem-solve (right brain activity). When a man listens and connects with a woman (left brain activity), he suddenly wants to minimize the uncomfortable feelings he begins to feel through problem solving (right brain activity). Once a man really understands that when a woman is upset, the problem she needs solved is her unfulfilled need to feel heard, then he can stay focused on her feelings without problem solving because he doesn’t feel immediately responsible for solving her problems.
- He rarely, if ever, says he loves me – In essence, when he says “I love you,” there is a “point to saying it.” And once he has said it, he doesn’t instinctively have a reason to say it again and again. Once a man learns that women thrive on being told they are loved, then a man has a reason for saying it more often.
- He doesn’t open up and share his feelings – When a man is bothered by something, he first needs to calm down by trying to solve his problems by himself. By using the right brain to silently solve it, he can get a grip on the problem and begin to relax. If a man and a woman have a tense argument, it is very healthy to take a timeout.
- He just doesn’t understand what I need when I am upset – When a man experiences how helpful it is for her if he just says nothing and tries to empathize with her feelings, then it becomes much easier for him to be a better listener.
- When he argues, he always has to be right – If a man is upset and wants to be right about a certain point, the only way to be heard is to postpone the conversation and give him time to cool off.